Masochistic

In love with the pain.


Yesterday was a cold night and I tried something new. Get a bath in the middle of the night. Midnight. A long long shower. That was right afta I watched THE WIG with Agy, Auni, and Fateyn Tiz Zaqyah. It was a stupid movie alright. Supposed to be scary. But so FAKE. Due to sleepyness, I left.


There's this notice in the Rambai toilet. It reads,
"Never wash your clothes after 10PM"
haha the first time I saw that notice was in January. With Ummi. Creepy. I religiouly obeyed the stupid notice on the wall then.


YEAH. I  was scared. I am scared actually. I've heard stories, thanks to Farah Ahmad, who told me of the "things" there in the groudfloor toilet. OH Farah, how would I live without you yea? The best friend telling me the LAST THING that I want to know. Kau lah sahabat dunia akhirat.


But yesterday night I DONT GIVE A DAMN.
Mom  strictly warned me against bathing at night---the asthma and all and that I may get pneumonia blah blah blah but heck. MOM isnt here. And what she doesnt know wont hurt her.


ok. the bathing. was good. i didnt bump into any metaphysical supernatural beings. or any Weird Sisters from Macbeth. Heck. It felt like one of the best one i ever had.


of course, it was cold.


of course, it was painful.


But I'm in love with the pain. Very much do. The pain made me feel alive.


I'm masochistic.
I loved peanut butter. And nuts, they gave me inflammation in my breathin canal or whatever, causing it to become narrow--making me cough like hell
I loved cheese! cant live without it. Then I had chest pain even after a plate of cheese spaghetti. Dairy products kill. Me.


Then i was in love. with him.
he dumped me like a sad puppy. still I loved him. it was painful.


Yet i learned to love again and was fooled again. Painful love is and I did it. Daft!

in my case: love is the slowest form of suicide. for others its a bliss. but i am not that lucky. but heck.



You see, Im immune with the pain already. I dont give a hell. Masochistic is the best adjective I've ever known. It was in Form 2 and I cut my hands. Masochistic. I adore that word.

i will try just anything in life. whatever risk it takes. however painful it may hurt. i'll survive. i promise.

this is a piece of shit.
psst: stupid flu. go away. i dont love u.