School...Limelight..and ...

hello peeps. i'm in my room, behind the door, internet faster there. almost hit the road divider near Eddy's cemetery today. Was going straight to him, wasnt I? ok enough.


I went to school today. and two days ago. well. i couldnt get enough of the place. used to call it a god-forsaken place. oh shoot me. now i'm missin it like crazy.


the school called me home. well, i'm still their star student, am i not? this time, to give a talk. yeah baby, a talk. don't believe me?

boy. i look important dont i?

aint a huge fan of candid, but must say i love this one

the one in yellow, my former mandarine teacher. now why does he look annoyed? and mr manivannan, my class teacher in form 4 n 5. proud eh> the female teacher looking at me like shes in love or sth teehee

i used to be among this crowd, sometimes. sleepin. talkin, listening to music. but this peeps were listening to me MAN

i effing love this prncipal. he's a new guy btw

well. back in school day, i was the talkative, shining one. debate, public speaking, emcee for this and that. and how i miss all that! i mean, we dont do that in college anymore, not in english i guess, and my malay sucks. well never mind.


i talked bout school life. how i wasnt really the best student there, cuz that wud be my best friend Kevin. I got kicked out off Mr Patrick's chem class (the kids laughed when i mentioned this in my talk, so did him--cute), but after all the kickin' and sunbathing for not completing my report, i got an A1 for chemistry. in trial as well as the real one. beat that.


i mean, not to brag here, but all the punishment works, dont they?


they made me a person, a human.


remember back then when i was in form 2, before we had this student exchange to Taiwan? I used to throw tantrums at Ms Woo.


And today, all thanks to her teachings, I'm a B. Ed Tesl students, one of the best student in my batch. Beat that, too.


I brag a lot, dont I?


well sorry. I just wanna say that I dont deserve the credit for all these achievements. The success, the dont belong to me, but my teachers. these success are not mine, but my teachers, they have succeeded in making me a human. a person.


and i'm gonna give back to them.


wow. a little too ambitious over there?


and of course. my teachers are so friggin fun , too!
they treated me and Chrissie like princesses..and said really nice stuffs. i feel so honoured that they still remember me. teehee


mr low, my biology teacher,
"of course! you scored my biology!"


miss yvonne,
"you've grown up! prettily!"
"have you got a boyfriend?"
"you've got an eastern, Arabic look about you"


ah. i scored in Bio. yeah. dunno how I did it, cuz it was friggin tough. Mr Low was this bio teacher of mine. His classes were rather slow, but I loved it. Due to my eyesight I sat at the most front. He used to teach me maths, and I loved him a lot. I mean, the teacher-student kinda love. He used to ride a purple C70, which was effing antique, and an aviator shade. that was cute, really.


miss yvonne said i've grown up. pretty. ah. i blushed. was i really ugly back then? haha
the boyfriend part. what to do. i answered.


"no. sad, aint it?"
"nah..dont marry a typical malay man okay?"


she knows me better than anyone. what typical malay man cud stand Nurul Syuhada Abdullah Attarmizi, the corrupt westernised girl? i mean, in matric they used to hate me for being different. like wth. never mind. its the past. who cares right?


the eastern arabic look. she mentioned that before. which is weird. but i loved it. haha. arabic la sangat kan.


i met my old love, too. no no no no not gonna tell who. okay i will. hee. its Mr Patrick. My chem teacher. used to hate him a lot. the punishment and all. it felt like he just wakes up in the morning to ruin my day or something.


i used to picture him as dementors in harry potter than feed on scared souls or sth.


it felt that he hated me so much, and i wanted to do this sweet revenge by making him like me. so i studied hard for chem, paid attention in class, and felt all the attention from him.


he was a little disappointed that i am not doing Chemistry. well, I'm gonna be a teacher, just like you, aint that cool? i thought.

awwwwww. he's old already and i look funny

the sweetest part is that he apologised to me for being so hard on me, all the punishments and all, but man! i said thank you for that. i mean. look at me now. so disciplined. ha-ha that was a joke.


after the talk which was held during assembly, i went hang out with Chrissie around the school and met lots of teachers. and told them the same old thing,


Penang, B Ed Tesl, I4P. Yeah. 5 and a half. 4 more to go. Degree. Yeah. Next year. On holiday.


i even talked to the guard, the kanteen auntie, the makcik sapu.


they cudnt believe i was the little girl. this little girl.

awww i miss school. life was indeed better. way better. but still. we have to grow up.

"life is like a book, with lots of chapters. No matter what happened in one chapter and how important they are, we don't go back and re-read them; we move on"

nurul schuhada abdullah attarmizi, 2010

cinta sana, cinta sini, aku gila geli.

i'll talk bout myself this time. i'm tired of talkin bout love. bloggin i mean. u see. i love readin bout love. but me writing bout it..haha..i sounded stupid when talking bout love. please dont get offended peeps, some people are really good at that, but i am not in that circle of some people. 

so i'll talk bout myself, just in case..i wake up and go like this:

who am i?
where am i?
who are you?


you're really sweet, but i have a boyfriend.
my boyfriend?
you?
but my boyfriend's French!

or something like that. well. in case i suffer from sth like that of 50 First Dates, amnesia or whatever, kindly direct me to this page, will ya.

ok. first, name. nurul syuhada abdullah. yeah! why ATTARMIZI? I've heard peeps talking bout that behind my back and go like,

eh kenapa schu tu derhaka ke xnak guna nama ayah dia sendiri

red words are like chilli sauce to me. spicy.

well. here. Abdullah is my walid's name, in birth cert, IC, passport (kes ada somebody tayang2 passport beliau to me, like, fcuk! mentang2 i'm local programme ingat i xde passport ke? wekk!)

but Attarmizi is really who I am. my identity, my descendant, the blood that runs in my veins, the genes, all are of the At-Tarmizi's clan. My late great-great grandfather, actually. and everyone in our kampung in Negeri Sembilan, knows me as one of the waghih Attarmizi. so there you have it.


oh yeah. i'm from Negeri Sembilan. My walid. Accordin to him we're Minangkabau, of Biduanda , with Arabic heritage. I dont look Arabic at all, my small eyes, some of the people used to think i'm Chindian.

Small eyes.
Large nose. Ha-ha
Tanned skin (main panas)
Speaks Chinese
Hang out with Chinese friends

Wears PINAFORE!

in primary only okay. and i was barely twelve. and yeah. i went to chinese school.
so. i speak mandarine. do u think i'll still be able to speak it shud i get amnesia?

funny. a mandarine speaking, chindian-looking, arab-minangkabau-malay girl. that's me.

if i get amnesia. thats all i wanna remember. haha.
and darling, can you please please please, remind me, that i love you?

damn. tadi kata, cinta sana, cinta sini, aku gila geli. ha-ha.

psst:
(i made up the French boyfriend part.)

Of Early Marriage and A Cup of Coffee

g:Sayang, u love me x?

b:Darling, of coz la ily. Teehee

g:Imy la.

b:Imy 2 huuu

g:Syg?

b:Hmm?

g:jom kawin (smiley shy)

b:ok! jom! ily!heee (smiley =p)

g: nk ask my ummi and walid first teehee

b: ok, i nak ask my parents too heee

g: goodluck with that sayang. psst. i want arab style k!hee

vandalism 101

Aww,how sweet. saya bila lagi? hee

The text messages has strictly nothing to do with me. Believe me, I never went that far. teehee
But then again….

***************

I had this little talk with my walid and ummi the other night. The boys were all asleep, ummi was sewing clothes and walid was waiting for football. We chatted over cups of tea. Oh, our family, we adore tea, there could be bombs flying from the sky, and we’d still have our tea. We once ditched it for coffee, Tenom coffee, but we ran out of stock already.




I told ummi that come what may, I’m going to save RM2k next semester from my RM4k allowance. No more shopping.

damn.

“Of course you have to save”, she said. Her eyes were still on the clothes. Walid was reading newspaper. The Star, you’d never finish reading them, walid said.




“For marriage, right Ummi?” I said, careful not to spill the tea.




As soon as I said that she lifted her head from the clothes and gave me the radioactive look. I hadn’t meant it as a joke; I was in fact, very serious.

**************

The other day I was hanging out with my classmates Nadia and Kak Maizatun. We talked about savings. And marriage. Suddenly it occurred to me one thing: that I have to save for my marriage.




A wedding is going to be costly, especially for me. I’m the only daughter. I’m also the first daughter, in addition to that, with no elder siblings to help support me or sponsor teehee for my wedding. Talking about “Of Bunga Telor and Bally Shoes”. I will need at least RM10k.




Then there was this talk about a friend getting married Insha’Allah, next year. She’s 21 by the way. With a steady candidate (husband-to-be). Her parents gave her the green light.

Now it only comes down to the money, but she’s saving.




She’s still in college.




Why NOT?




*********




I once read in Milenia Islam, a Muslim magazine. A Muslim convert named Sulaiman Dufford was one of the columnists. He said that from the studies in the States, those who get married during their college years tend to perform better in their studies.

Well. I tried telling that to my mother. It wasn’t even close. She said it was ridiculous.




“What will happen if they get pregnant?” she bombarded me with the one-million dollar question.




Ummi, people get pregnant in or out of wedlock. At least there will be fewer problems when you’re legally wed, I thought, but kept quiet.




But it’s a great idea, isn’t it? Helps in reducing maksiat. It will be halal to go dating. And holding hands. You can ride motorbike together—and hug your hubby tight, like you’re riding on a roller coaster or something (I always want to do that.) You don’t have to curb your so-called lust anymore. And you have someone to take care of you. I told you it’s an awesome idea, did I?

***************

Dear Schu, that isn’t what marriage is all about. It’s more than that. It’s about commitment and whatnot. And responsibilities! You know that once you’re married, your husband will be responsible for you, no?



and miss schuhada attarmizi cant even take care of a cat!









i'm ALLERGIC to cats u silly

 

Well. Well. Well. It’s not like I’m going to get married during my degree year or whatever. I mean, for one thing, unlike the friend I mentioned just now, I don’t even have someone I can call “husband material”.



And looking back, I’m not even a good cook. I’m lazy at washing clothes. I just discovered something call “locker-cleaning” a year ago. Now how am I supposed to manage a man babe? I can picture having a man like me. And what our house would be like!



And heck, I have crush to almost half the boys I met. Ha-ha.



I’m not having early marriage. At least not during college life.



“What about getting married right after I graduate?”



Ummi stopped again, turning to walid.



“What do you think, sayang?” I envy my parents, they’re getting more romantic each day.



“Only,” walid said, “If you marry a Datuk.”



I turned back to the novel Sutinah, by A Samad Ismail, which I was reading. Well. Its a brilliant idea aint it, I thought for a second.



There was this pregnant pause. Suddenly walid complained.



“You don’t even make good tea. Call Uncle to get Tenom coffee for us.”



Hey. Maybe I should marry a Sabahan. A guy from Tenom, better still. That way we’ll have the coffee you love every day, I thought.






Psst: I cant really recall where, but I read somewhere that the Egyptians, they have some kind of a marriage where people, young people wed at our age (my age), so that they can do what they want with their bf/gf, the halal way.you know. Go dating. Hold hands. Blah blah. But they won’t “consummate” to that marriage. Ok. Straight to the point. They won’t have sex. They just do what our typical bf/gf couple do. Well. What if they broke up? Marriage is so sacred it aint a toy, sweetheart.



Psst 2: I nak marry orang putih lah! Nak anak comel2 teehee

g:syg!

b:ling! so how?

g: ummi tak kasi laa huhu

b: alaaaa

g: ummi tu, let alone getting married, nak mintak iPhone 4 pun she said no.

b: :-(..mama i let me to, she can't wait to be a grandma

oh fcuk

Masochistic

In love with the pain.


Yesterday was a cold night and I tried something new. Get a bath in the middle of the night. Midnight. A long long shower. That was right afta I watched THE WIG with Agy, Auni, and Fateyn Tiz Zaqyah. It was a stupid movie alright. Supposed to be scary. But so FAKE. Due to sleepyness, I left.


There's this notice in the Rambai toilet. It reads,
"Never wash your clothes after 10PM"
haha the first time I saw that notice was in January. With Ummi. Creepy. I religiouly obeyed the stupid notice on the wall then.


YEAH. I  was scared. I am scared actually. I've heard stories, thanks to Farah Ahmad, who told me of the "things" there in the groudfloor toilet. OH Farah, how would I live without you yea? The best friend telling me the LAST THING that I want to know. Kau lah sahabat dunia akhirat.


But yesterday night I DONT GIVE A DAMN.
Mom  strictly warned me against bathing at night---the asthma and all and that I may get pneumonia blah blah blah but heck. MOM isnt here. And what she doesnt know wont hurt her.


ok. the bathing. was good. i didnt bump into any metaphysical supernatural beings. or any Weird Sisters from Macbeth. Heck. It felt like one of the best one i ever had.


of course, it was cold.


of course, it was painful.


But I'm in love with the pain. Very much do. The pain made me feel alive.


I'm masochistic.
I loved peanut butter. And nuts, they gave me inflammation in my breathin canal or whatever, causing it to become narrow--making me cough like hell
I loved cheese! cant live without it. Then I had chest pain even after a plate of cheese spaghetti. Dairy products kill. Me.


Then i was in love. with him.
he dumped me like a sad puppy. still I loved him. it was painful.


Yet i learned to love again and was fooled again. Painful love is and I did it. Daft!

in my case: love is the slowest form of suicide. for others its a bliss. but i am not that lucky. but heck.



You see, Im immune with the pain already. I dont give a hell. Masochistic is the best adjective I've ever known. It was in Form 2 and I cut my hands. Masochistic. I adore that word.

i will try just anything in life. whatever risk it takes. however painful it may hurt. i'll survive. i promise.

this is a piece of shit.
psst: stupid flu. go away. i dont love u.

saya xde duit.bukan derhaka! huhu

assalamualaikum

Menu

Messaging

Write new

Daddy,call me..please (smiley gmbaq muka cute)

(amboi daddy daddy, dah la tak kasi salam)

send to

WALID

hensem kan walid saya? mude remaja lak tu teehee

SENDING....

done.

wait.

Sending failed

WALID

Retry?

damn damn damn.

now nak SMS ummi n walid pun xda credit
call ape laa lagi..
huhu dah jadi anak derhaka aku sekarang!
kang mak aku sumpah aku jadik batu...huhu
mentang2 da belajaq kat kota metropolitan Paris, eh Penang ni
lupakan mak ayah kat kampung pulak.
huhu

maka post ini ditulis sebagai satu eksplanasi..klu ak kena sumpah sebab derhaka sbb x call ummi walid, korang tolong la eksplain kat dorg. dorg x baca blog aku ni dah

 

i just had my last meal just now.

nasi putih+kuah sup+ayam goreng+sayur-sayuran x berapa nak fresh= RM3.80

duit aku lak cukup2.

nasib baik uncle tu x caj 4 hinggit.

mane aku nak cekau lagi doposen. huh.

last meal tu xtaw la nak tahan sampai bila.

esok ka lusa.

duit elaun x masuk lagi.

damnit la wey.
camne aku nak beli bday gift kat walid ni huhu(politik!)

nasib baik la bukan aku sorg je cmni

ade la nisa, nadia sume2 teehee (saje nak mengfemeskan dorg ni)

eh

eh

sat

*groih groih bunyik perut*

sat sat

5 min

toilet

-

-

-

-

-

(lebih kurang 5 minit kemudian)

hmm.

dah disposed dah.

camne nak tahan smpai esok ni

semua aku dah "buang"

damn.

psst: tingat hari tu mencekik bagai nak gila kat seoul garden.

n blog Kakak Fuze Faz TEYL yg cute---kat Bangladesh leh RM10.25 bleh makan 8 orang. Ciss. Aku seposen pun xde sekarang.

n blog Abg Chips TEYL yg cute le jugak---pasai member beliau yang tingin makan karipap. *lapar bonar dah den ni*

habis sume org aku pomot teehee

hah. lama da x blog in BM kan. Dok "PPSMI" je teehee

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

so i guess the answer is NO. Pfft.


Abang Aslam TEYL called this "withdrawal syndrome"
the kind of symptom you have when you stop taking a drug.


for me. you were the drug.
and now you're gone.
gone with the wind.


only, the effects are too late.
the effects are reoccuring.
the effects are haunting me again, lingering in my mind,
unwilling to kiss it goodbye.


the effects of you (the drug) and your withdrawal from me. my life.


i need "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"


damn. its the wheather. and the damn blogwalking.
they brought me back to you.
i need to forget you.
its been a while already, isnt it?
how time flies, it feels like yesterday when i heard you say,
"the feeling is no longer there"


so today.
i've cleared it all.


your Raya card.
the key-chain wiv my name on ?(custom made!)
the teddy bear
the yellow tshirt
the pink shoes (oh, not this one. i still wear them to class)
all your pictures in my PC
the book i listed down our baby names
the so-so poetry i wrote for you
even your phone number ( but i cant seem to forget it tho)
i deleted you from my 8pax
i practically deleted, erased, threw away
everything
and yea
your facebook account. i'm sorry. i have to remove you.


i've get rid of all that
get
rid
all


and this blog. initially. it was written for you.
but its whats left of me, and i wont let it go.


whatever.pfft!


Because I'm not your princess, it's ain't a fairy tale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.


i cant delete you from my memory. i wish, like Abg Awalludinn TEYL said, for a goddamn machine technology like the one in kate winslet's "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"

but then again
you're my first love memory. its precious. and will always be.

how can i ever let it just go down the drain?

and people, they'll always remember me, as a part of you. they still do.

now i dunno what i want.



someone once asked me if i want you ever come back, will i want you too.
no. the answer is no and it aint a guess.


moral: dont blogwalk. u'll start reminiscing. haha. and yeah..APPRECIATE your loved ones.


love those who love thee.

I know we're cool

" After all that we've been through. I know we're cool" Gwen Stefani





    

my sony teehee teehee







whenever my phone rings/vibrates



the kind of daft message i got each day



damn. thats the only kind of texts i got these days.

i remember those days, the days when i got pretty excited at having my phone to vibrate, sometimes yelling out  ACAB's Streets of Uptown--

happy!

we used to text a lot.

i remember at one point my inbox was full, too full for incoming messages that i have to delete some.

Inbox

600items

500 something were from you.

i wonder what did we talk about.

well. everything.

we used to talk about everything.

we talked about music. rock music. you love rock. i couldnt live without. in common.

football. i was sound asleep. you texted me the score. Man Utd won 3-0. well.

we talked about whats for lunch, dinner, break-fast, and sahur.

and you texted me at 12pm saying, "morning"

we used to be so close.

i even told you of the guy i like! men!

we bade each other goodnight even.

and during friggin boring sociology class. or a dreadful assembly. or when i was making a mutated pudding.

sometimes we called. and talked. and giggled (me) and sang (you).

oh. life was fun. i had someone to talk to. you had an annoying but cute girl (read: ME) to listen to. teehee. .

then something happened. we changed. remember when we were schooling, the freezing point wtf graph?

chem was my best subject. now i'm completely clueless

 just because Penang is gettin colder, we dont have to u know.

and know what? i know u read this.

you were sucha good friend. nope you werent. you are sucha good friend. lets keep it that way always yea? tho we hardly talk now, i'd say that i'll miss you always. that i think of you, maybe not all the time teehee, but then i'll never ever ever forget you.

after eddy, you are the best guy friend i ever have.

pardon my drawing skills, but you're way cuter than this!

i'm so sorry if i have hurt you in any ways. really2 sorry teehee



subway for u, my treat, okay?



can we please please please stay friends forever?