Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

so i guess the answer is NO. Pfft.


Abang Aslam TEYL called this "withdrawal syndrome"
the kind of symptom you have when you stop taking a drug.


for me. you were the drug.
and now you're gone.
gone with the wind.


only, the effects are too late.
the effects are reoccuring.
the effects are haunting me again, lingering in my mind,
unwilling to kiss it goodbye.


the effects of you (the drug) and your withdrawal from me. my life.


i need "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"


damn. its the wheather. and the damn blogwalking.
they brought me back to you.
i need to forget you.
its been a while already, isnt it?
how time flies, it feels like yesterday when i heard you say,
"the feeling is no longer there"


so today.
i've cleared it all.


your Raya card.
the key-chain wiv my name on ?(custom made!)
the teddy bear
the yellow tshirt
the pink shoes (oh, not this one. i still wear them to class)
all your pictures in my PC
the book i listed down our baby names
the so-so poetry i wrote for you
even your phone number ( but i cant seem to forget it tho)
i deleted you from my 8pax
i practically deleted, erased, threw away
everything
and yea
your facebook account. i'm sorry. i have to remove you.


i've get rid of all that
get
rid
all


and this blog. initially. it was written for you.
but its whats left of me, and i wont let it go.


whatever.pfft!


Because I'm not your princess, it's ain't a fairy tale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.


i cant delete you from my memory. i wish, like Abg Awalludinn TEYL said, for a goddamn machine technology like the one in kate winslet's "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"

but then again
you're my first love memory. its precious. and will always be.

how can i ever let it just go down the drain?

and people, they'll always remember me, as a part of you. they still do.

now i dunno what i want.



someone once asked me if i want you ever come back, will i want you too.
no. the answer is no and it aint a guess.


moral: dont blogwalk. u'll start reminiscing. haha. and yeah..APPRECIATE your loved ones.


love those who love thee.

again

schu zephyr.is.here. again.

all i ever wanted

is to be loved

again

again

life is short

and all I ever wanted

is for somebody to love me again

somebody to make me smile

and shine like fireworks in summer skies

again

love

how enchanting it is

to be enamored

it's like being put on a spell all over

love.

i want to be loved

and to love again

loving someone

caring for someone

missing for someone

smiling n waking up in the morning

and going to sleep and thinking of someone

i'm in love

again.

who?

oh,

not again.

no.more

after he left...

am i still
zephyr giggs?

i don't know
i'm confuse

suddenly u said u want to be alone

this is shocking
i clearly didnt see it coming

u said sorry
have you stopped loving me?

u said u're tired
but u've commit yourself to me
u've made me love u

u've got to stay!!

but u wudn't
and i cry
and i beg
and i pray

please keep lovin me

i cant sleep
thinking about all those dreams have crushed
all the hope are gone

our so-called dream weddin in KLCC
a good friend as the best man
a daughter we'd name Amani
a honeymoon trip to the space,watchin stars

it all gone
no more
this is depressing

u're gone from my dreams
shattered

no.more.

(this is a true story i live to tell)

fallin out

the poem i wrote prior to him leavin me.

[zephyr.giggs.is.back.]

first time
i laid my eyes on you
it feels like Raya morning

pure happiness

no doubts, no worries
just happy

and today i said
it aint a fairy tale anymore

u know
u help me co-exist
u make me live smilin
when i wake up and everything goes wrong

u know
i live my life for you
you whom i think of all night long
you whom i cry missin every night when there's nothing but darkness..

u said, when i miss u, just look at the stars that accompany the dark night
know what?
there's no more stars

i love stars
now they kill me
as i am reminiscin the day
i listen to your heart beats and stargazin

now u're fallin out
of love
of me

the littlest things
keep us together

but baby, 
u're fallin out

and i shall fade away
fade...and gone

gone with the wind..

when u leave me, can i keep the last name?

somethin i do on the side : a compilation

all my poems

the first one

To my darling


I am the girl who fell in love with you
I wonder do you feel the same way too
I hear your voice lingers around my head all the time
I see your face everywhere; every time
I want you to be here by my side; always
I am the girl who fell in love with you

I pretend that I do not know you
I feel like an idiot; this unrequited love
I touch the tears that flow down my cheeks
I worry if you don’t love me as much as I love you
I cry my heart out when I’m missing you
I am the girl who fell in love with you

I understand that we can’t be together now
So far apart, the blue sea and the green paddy field
I say to myself, “Someday, nothing will keep us apart”
You and I are meant to be
I dream of a beautiful day by the beach together, us frolicking, just you and me
I try to make our dream come true
I hope that you’ll be the one, thou I can only hope; and pray
I pray that you’ll be mine, and our eternal love
I am the girl who fell in love with you

schu

(on a sad and depressing day in 2Tesl2 classroom, where I was hungry and broke and tried to think of something beautiful…hahahahahaha)


the second one

if we were to end this

if i were to end this
i will wonder
what are u how's ur life
(and mine)
going to be like
cuz all along
i've always thought that
U'RE goin to be part of mine
and me yours

if u were going to end this
i'd cry u a river
losing one half of you
is always painful

i was just a half
n then u came
and make me into ONE
and how could i
lose that one half of me
and go back to bein incomplete again
when i've had PeRFection??

if we were to end this
it goin to be difficult

i will wonder what happen
to the rest of your life
and i will never forget u
i will always remember how u look like
and i will cry my heart out
when i pass by the place we used to date

i will laugh and cry
at al those good times
i will regret leavin u
and
i will tell
my daughter stories about u
when she told me bout hers
her first love
cuz u're mine

if we were to end this
no
i wont
and please
you dont

the 3rd :p

tonight i wanna write the Sweetest Poem

so down
so dissapointed?
well
i had
and havin it now

why,
tonight i wanna write the sweetest poem
tonught i must write the sweetest poem

you
it was all for you
i do it for you
i wrote it for you
and yet
you don't understand it
you won't reciprocate it

tonight
i wanna write the sweetest poem
for you
you
whom
i love
whom i'll never
live
without

you
who made me smile
even when the
Sun refuses to shine
when the
Stars don't twinkle
or when
the moon
won't light up
my gloomy night

when i can't see the rainbow

u made me smile

u
who made me smile all day
and made me giggle at the thought
of bein with u
and holdin ye hand

u
whose picture i gaze at
all day long
whose voice lingers round my head
all night long

who never fails to appear in my dream

tonight
i wanna write the sweetest poem
i must write the sweetest poem
to you
whom i love..~~