School...Limelight..and ...

hello peeps. i'm in my room, behind the door, internet faster there. almost hit the road divider near Eddy's cemetery today. Was going straight to him, wasnt I? ok enough.


I went to school today. and two days ago. well. i couldnt get enough of the place. used to call it a god-forsaken place. oh shoot me. now i'm missin it like crazy.


the school called me home. well, i'm still their star student, am i not? this time, to give a talk. yeah baby, a talk. don't believe me?

boy. i look important dont i?

aint a huge fan of candid, but must say i love this one

the one in yellow, my former mandarine teacher. now why does he look annoyed? and mr manivannan, my class teacher in form 4 n 5. proud eh> the female teacher looking at me like shes in love or sth teehee

i used to be among this crowd, sometimes. sleepin. talkin, listening to music. but this peeps were listening to me MAN

i effing love this prncipal. he's a new guy btw

well. back in school day, i was the talkative, shining one. debate, public speaking, emcee for this and that. and how i miss all that! i mean, we dont do that in college anymore, not in english i guess, and my malay sucks. well never mind.


i talked bout school life. how i wasnt really the best student there, cuz that wud be my best friend Kevin. I got kicked out off Mr Patrick's chem class (the kids laughed when i mentioned this in my talk, so did him--cute), but after all the kickin' and sunbathing for not completing my report, i got an A1 for chemistry. in trial as well as the real one. beat that.


i mean, not to brag here, but all the punishment works, dont they?


they made me a person, a human.


remember back then when i was in form 2, before we had this student exchange to Taiwan? I used to throw tantrums at Ms Woo.


And today, all thanks to her teachings, I'm a B. Ed Tesl students, one of the best student in my batch. Beat that, too.


I brag a lot, dont I?


well sorry. I just wanna say that I dont deserve the credit for all these achievements. The success, the dont belong to me, but my teachers. these success are not mine, but my teachers, they have succeeded in making me a human. a person.


and i'm gonna give back to them.


wow. a little too ambitious over there?


and of course. my teachers are so friggin fun , too!
they treated me and Chrissie like princesses..and said really nice stuffs. i feel so honoured that they still remember me. teehee


mr low, my biology teacher,
"of course! you scored my biology!"


miss yvonne,
"you've grown up! prettily!"
"have you got a boyfriend?"
"you've got an eastern, Arabic look about you"


ah. i scored in Bio. yeah. dunno how I did it, cuz it was friggin tough. Mr Low was this bio teacher of mine. His classes were rather slow, but I loved it. Due to my eyesight I sat at the most front. He used to teach me maths, and I loved him a lot. I mean, the teacher-student kinda love. He used to ride a purple C70, which was effing antique, and an aviator shade. that was cute, really.


miss yvonne said i've grown up. pretty. ah. i blushed. was i really ugly back then? haha
the boyfriend part. what to do. i answered.


"no. sad, aint it?"
"nah..dont marry a typical malay man okay?"


she knows me better than anyone. what typical malay man cud stand Nurul Syuhada Abdullah Attarmizi, the corrupt westernised girl? i mean, in matric they used to hate me for being different. like wth. never mind. its the past. who cares right?


the eastern arabic look. she mentioned that before. which is weird. but i loved it. haha. arabic la sangat kan.


i met my old love, too. no no no no not gonna tell who. okay i will. hee. its Mr Patrick. My chem teacher. used to hate him a lot. the punishment and all. it felt like he just wakes up in the morning to ruin my day or something.


i used to picture him as dementors in harry potter than feed on scared souls or sth.


it felt that he hated me so much, and i wanted to do this sweet revenge by making him like me. so i studied hard for chem, paid attention in class, and felt all the attention from him.


he was a little disappointed that i am not doing Chemistry. well, I'm gonna be a teacher, just like you, aint that cool? i thought.

awwwwww. he's old already and i look funny

the sweetest part is that he apologised to me for being so hard on me, all the punishments and all, but man! i said thank you for that. i mean. look at me now. so disciplined. ha-ha that was a joke.


after the talk which was held during assembly, i went hang out with Chrissie around the school and met lots of teachers. and told them the same old thing,


Penang, B Ed Tesl, I4P. Yeah. 5 and a half. 4 more to go. Degree. Yeah. Next year. On holiday.


i even talked to the guard, the kanteen auntie, the makcik sapu.


they cudnt believe i was the little girl. this little girl.

awww i miss school. life was indeed better. way better. but still. we have to grow up.

"life is like a book, with lots of chapters. No matter what happened in one chapter and how important they are, we don't go back and re-read them; we move on"

nurul schuhada abdullah attarmizi, 2010

Pink Shoes are SO GAY!

according to Samuel Teyl (it ryhmes!)

no. that's not Sam. Altho I posted the same pic on his wall. cuz he wanted a guitar. Yeah. Thats a cool guitar aint it.

I'm talking bout the SHOES peeps! the PINK ones.

The thing is. He said its gay-ish. gay as in homosexual gay. not happy gay, cuz its old-fashioned language.

Oh dear. Its no wonder. another phrase i can use is

"immune to feminine charm"

he's immune to feminine charm, thats it! i aint talkin Sammy here. but still.

thanks a lot to Sam for pointin out. haha

btw. dont bother clickin on Sam's link. Its empty. haha

cinta sana, cinta sini, aku gila geli.

i'll talk bout myself this time. i'm tired of talkin bout love. bloggin i mean. u see. i love readin bout love. but me writing bout it..haha..i sounded stupid when talking bout love. please dont get offended peeps, some people are really good at that, but i am not in that circle of some people. 

so i'll talk bout myself, just in case..i wake up and go like this:

who am i?
where am i?
who are you?


you're really sweet, but i have a boyfriend.
my boyfriend?
you?
but my boyfriend's French!

or something like that. well. in case i suffer from sth like that of 50 First Dates, amnesia or whatever, kindly direct me to this page, will ya.

ok. first, name. nurul syuhada abdullah. yeah! why ATTARMIZI? I've heard peeps talking bout that behind my back and go like,

eh kenapa schu tu derhaka ke xnak guna nama ayah dia sendiri

red words are like chilli sauce to me. spicy.

well. here. Abdullah is my walid's name, in birth cert, IC, passport (kes ada somebody tayang2 passport beliau to me, like, fcuk! mentang2 i'm local programme ingat i xde passport ke? wekk!)

but Attarmizi is really who I am. my identity, my descendant, the blood that runs in my veins, the genes, all are of the At-Tarmizi's clan. My late great-great grandfather, actually. and everyone in our kampung in Negeri Sembilan, knows me as one of the waghih Attarmizi. so there you have it.


oh yeah. i'm from Negeri Sembilan. My walid. Accordin to him we're Minangkabau, of Biduanda , with Arabic heritage. I dont look Arabic at all, my small eyes, some of the people used to think i'm Chindian.

Small eyes.
Large nose. Ha-ha
Tanned skin (main panas)
Speaks Chinese
Hang out with Chinese friends

Wears PINAFORE!

in primary only okay. and i was barely twelve. and yeah. i went to chinese school.
so. i speak mandarine. do u think i'll still be able to speak it shud i get amnesia?

funny. a mandarine speaking, chindian-looking, arab-minangkabau-malay girl. that's me.

if i get amnesia. thats all i wanna remember. haha.
and darling, can you please please please, remind me, that i love you?

damn. tadi kata, cinta sana, cinta sini, aku gila geli. ha-ha.

psst:
(i made up the French boyfriend part.)

saya xde duit.bukan derhaka! huhu

assalamualaikum

Menu

Messaging

Write new

Daddy,call me..please (smiley gmbaq muka cute)

(amboi daddy daddy, dah la tak kasi salam)

send to

WALID

hensem kan walid saya? mude remaja lak tu teehee

SENDING....

done.

wait.

Sending failed

WALID

Retry?

damn damn damn.

now nak SMS ummi n walid pun xda credit
call ape laa lagi..
huhu dah jadi anak derhaka aku sekarang!
kang mak aku sumpah aku jadik batu...huhu
mentang2 da belajaq kat kota metropolitan Paris, eh Penang ni
lupakan mak ayah kat kampung pulak.
huhu

maka post ini ditulis sebagai satu eksplanasi..klu ak kena sumpah sebab derhaka sbb x call ummi walid, korang tolong la eksplain kat dorg. dorg x baca blog aku ni dah

 

i just had my last meal just now.

nasi putih+kuah sup+ayam goreng+sayur-sayuran x berapa nak fresh= RM3.80

duit aku lak cukup2.

nasib baik uncle tu x caj 4 hinggit.

mane aku nak cekau lagi doposen. huh.

last meal tu xtaw la nak tahan sampai bila.

esok ka lusa.

duit elaun x masuk lagi.

damnit la wey.
camne aku nak beli bday gift kat walid ni huhu(politik!)

nasib baik la bukan aku sorg je cmni

ade la nisa, nadia sume2 teehee (saje nak mengfemeskan dorg ni)

eh

eh

sat

*groih groih bunyik perut*

sat sat

5 min

toilet

-

-

-

-

-

(lebih kurang 5 minit kemudian)

hmm.

dah disposed dah.

camne nak tahan smpai esok ni

semua aku dah "buang"

damn.

psst: tingat hari tu mencekik bagai nak gila kat seoul garden.

n blog Kakak Fuze Faz TEYL yg cute---kat Bangladesh leh RM10.25 bleh makan 8 orang. Ciss. Aku seposen pun xde sekarang.

n blog Abg Chips TEYL yg cute le jugak---pasai member beliau yang tingin makan karipap. *lapar bonar dah den ni*

habis sume org aku pomot teehee

hah. lama da x blog in BM kan. Dok "PPSMI" je teehee

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

so i guess the answer is NO. Pfft.


Abang Aslam TEYL called this "withdrawal syndrome"
the kind of symptom you have when you stop taking a drug.


for me. you were the drug.
and now you're gone.
gone with the wind.


only, the effects are too late.
the effects are reoccuring.
the effects are haunting me again, lingering in my mind,
unwilling to kiss it goodbye.


the effects of you (the drug) and your withdrawal from me. my life.


i need "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"


damn. its the wheather. and the damn blogwalking.
they brought me back to you.
i need to forget you.
its been a while already, isnt it?
how time flies, it feels like yesterday when i heard you say,
"the feeling is no longer there"


so today.
i've cleared it all.


your Raya card.
the key-chain wiv my name on ?(custom made!)
the teddy bear
the yellow tshirt
the pink shoes (oh, not this one. i still wear them to class)
all your pictures in my PC
the book i listed down our baby names
the so-so poetry i wrote for you
even your phone number ( but i cant seem to forget it tho)
i deleted you from my 8pax
i practically deleted, erased, threw away
everything
and yea
your facebook account. i'm sorry. i have to remove you.


i've get rid of all that
get
rid
all


and this blog. initially. it was written for you.
but its whats left of me, and i wont let it go.


whatever.pfft!


Because I'm not your princess, it's ain't a fairy tale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.


i cant delete you from my memory. i wish, like Abg Awalludinn TEYL said, for a goddamn machine technology like the one in kate winslet's "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"

but then again
you're my first love memory. its precious. and will always be.

how can i ever let it just go down the drain?

and people, they'll always remember me, as a part of you. they still do.

now i dunno what i want.



someone once asked me if i want you ever come back, will i want you too.
no. the answer is no and it aint a guess.


moral: dont blogwalk. u'll start reminiscing. haha. and yeah..APPRECIATE your loved ones.


love those who love thee.

I know we're cool

" After all that we've been through. I know we're cool" Gwen Stefani





    

my sony teehee teehee







whenever my phone rings/vibrates



the kind of daft message i got each day



damn. thats the only kind of texts i got these days.

i remember those days, the days when i got pretty excited at having my phone to vibrate, sometimes yelling out  ACAB's Streets of Uptown--

happy!

we used to text a lot.

i remember at one point my inbox was full, too full for incoming messages that i have to delete some.

Inbox

600items

500 something were from you.

i wonder what did we talk about.

well. everything.

we used to talk about everything.

we talked about music. rock music. you love rock. i couldnt live without. in common.

football. i was sound asleep. you texted me the score. Man Utd won 3-0. well.

we talked about whats for lunch, dinner, break-fast, and sahur.

and you texted me at 12pm saying, "morning"

we used to be so close.

i even told you of the guy i like! men!

we bade each other goodnight even.

and during friggin boring sociology class. or a dreadful assembly. or when i was making a mutated pudding.

sometimes we called. and talked. and giggled (me) and sang (you).

oh. life was fun. i had someone to talk to. you had an annoying but cute girl (read: ME) to listen to. teehee. .

then something happened. we changed. remember when we were schooling, the freezing point wtf graph?

chem was my best subject. now i'm completely clueless

 just because Penang is gettin colder, we dont have to u know.

and know what? i know u read this.

you were sucha good friend. nope you werent. you are sucha good friend. lets keep it that way always yea? tho we hardly talk now, i'd say that i'll miss you always. that i think of you, maybe not all the time teehee, but then i'll never ever ever forget you.

after eddy, you are the best guy friend i ever have.

pardon my drawing skills, but you're way cuter than this!

i'm so sorry if i have hurt you in any ways. really2 sorry teehee



subway for u, my treat, okay?



can we please please please stay friends forever?

more. the untold story

oh yeah. i went to Seoul Garden today. The whole bunch of 3TESL2 did. Story? Well. Lets just say we ate like crazy. I did. Full stop. Gurney Drive stinks.

***********
there's gotta be more to life. ( a daft non-poem in my other blog)

and today. i'm gonna have this little ritual to bury a dead memory.

oh shit. the medicine. wait.
5mins
4mins
3mins
2mins
1min

the damn pills. no silly. it ain't E. its for the headache. and gastric. and oh, i just realised,
there's no cure for the heart.

none. i checked.

well. there's gotta be more to life.
************
of course, life was a bliss. life was beautiful. frolicking all day. smiling and giggling all night. yeah. i smile all the time. i giggle all the time. i go mushy-mushy all the time. i still do. with or without you.

i have adored you. and hoping you fancy me too.but you didnt, and it made me want to leave. and i left. and i almost lived happily ever after.........

till you came back. with lots of hope. dreams. and made me love you again. even more.
and now i'm hooked.

i can't go. and you left me. alone. in the cold street. dying. damn!

you used to save me remember? my knight in armour. saved me from the agony, you're my oasis in the desert, the answers to all my prayers.

i'm dying. bleeding. inside. and outside. shivering in the cold. messed up.

thank you.

************

*vampire princess(me) bite*


*assfcuk-play-with-my-heart-motherfcuker dead*

i have to kill you. have fun in hell. i heard they have sauna.


OK. So. The Story's told. finally. That will do as the "talkin". Damn. I've never attended a funeral all my life. Eddy ....... and I wasn't there. So I don't know how it's like.

pfft. just dig a hole and throw u in it. easy.


Now. Let the damn memory. Rot and rust in peace.
 

i'll pay a visit!!
 
btw. i'm still alive. there's gotta be MORE to life baby! yeeehaaaaa!!

balada melanda

balada assignment melanda.

mana pergi spirit aku buat assignment yang telah lapuk ditelan zaman. ilang persis spirit-spirit of the coin please come to me je.

balada sakitrumah

balada sakitrumah aka homesick kata monoloQue. tiba2 rindu ummi. kelas ganti mengekang aku dari pulang. persetankan. aku tidak akan tuang kelas. namun minggu hadapan, tiada siapa mampu menghalang aku menaiki feri ke butterworth, lantas memasukkan diriku yang kecil ini ke dalam perut bas sri maju milik Michelle Yeoh.

balada kekikisan uwang ringgit.

semalam aku ke Gelugor. Elaun yang dinanti akhirnya tiba. 100 aku simpan dalam Maybank. Tinggal 300. 100 aku bayar utang piutang duit Readers Digest, format lappy, duit itu dan ini.

haaaaihhh mengapa materialistik sungguh dunia ni. mengapa harus dibayar dengan uwang ringgit. mengapa tidak cinta sahajaa....oh cinta!!

Tinggal 200. utk aku survive sepanjang oktober yg bakal menjadi tragedi oktober ini. utk aku berbelanja membeli kasut baju serta lipstick baru di Queens. Oh wanita!!!

balada kemalasan

amalgamasi balada assignment melanda dan balada ketiadaan waktu. aku berbunyi seperti
sang perdana menteri.kunun2 busy tapi busy frolickin kat overseas

 ciss. basketball petang ini. mungkinkah? aku harap hujan.

please..
(terpancar cahya kemalasan disini_

balada aku moody-moody-emo-emo-begini

aku tidak mahu. tapi fikiranku bercelaru, bak kata Macbeth,

"oh, full of scorpion is my mind!"

oh sungguh flowery kata Madam Rowena.

kenapa ak emo sekarang>? aih. penat mungkin. lapar barangkali. frust menonggeng? mintak simpang. aku wanita kuat. aku wanita berdikari.

aku schuhada attarmizi.

hentikanlah kebaladaan ini

Luahan Perasan Aku.huhu

muke ketat je. tension habis lah tu?

hello there. i'm actually very busy. but i'm tired. too tired of cracking my head for all those ridiculous assignment so here i am.

ee. malas la nak blog in English. Cakap melayu leh tak? asyik english je 24/7. 

in class english.

wat assignment english.

nak berbloggin pun kena english. bosan laa.

xpe2, jgn risau, xkan tercalarny so-called ke"TESL"an i. jgn risau. this time nak blogging in malay gak. 

xnak xnak xnak guna i da. mcm bajet datin je.

bajet2 mcm datin or supermodel naomi campbell: tngok la cre jalan. photos credit to PAPARAZZI ASLAM. candid gile.

nak guna ayat brader brader lak. haa bru sempoi sket ryte?

adoi penat gila la. menyampah betul dengan kerja yg sgt banyak ni.

mentang2 bru fresh dr cuti raya, sumer lecturers nak membebankan guwa (ceh konon brader habis la tu) dengan timbunan2 dan longgokkan2 homework yg sgt byk ala2 cm longgokkan rambutan kat pasar malam sg dua depan tesco extra tu.

kalau jual satu longgok rm2 alamatnye kaye raye laa aku dan kawan2 sekuliah n senasib dgn ku...

eeeee.

pastu kan nak menambah kemarahan dan api(tudia ayat) dlm aku...SUP (suruhanjaya unit peperiksaan) bley plak dgn baik hatinye memendekkan tempoh assignment kami.

adeke patut?

da la lecturer kasi lambat.

pastu the same lecturer tu..da taw kami byk keja, bermurah hati menambah longgokan keja kami dgn suh wat presentation segala.

sabar je laa ya schu.

huhu. paling teruk. lecturer tu doesnt seem to like me. satu kelas buat salah, nama

SYUHADA!!!!

yg diteriaknye. terkejut gile kot. kalau ak tgh makan da tercekik da. kalau pregnant da terberanak da.

ape laa dosa aku kat dia.

mcm ni laa lumrah jd students. x cukup dgn itu. ade lak laa basketball course la..ape la..da la amek weekend ktorg. huhu. ak pun ade keluarga gak. ade suami n anak2. (tampaq mau?)

sukati je amek. kacau org nak dating xley. p open house xley. saje je kan.

well. korg doakan la kebahagiaan aku dekat IPPPP ni k. 

salam. love u. muahhhhh. cis cm syial ayat.

The Day I LOST my Identity. Card. ahaha~

29^th August 0225

Throbbing pain in my head. A lot of things happened today. Or was it all a dream? Where am I?

Home.

The loud noise woke me up. Huh. Couldn’t believe I would call it noise. My phone yelled at me. Avenged Sevenfold’s Afterlife.

New text message.

Emmet*.

I smiled.

“Mu won! 3-0...yaho0!

I smiled again. This time it was because of Man United. My brain hummed “Glory Glory Man United”. I wanted to sing. But Emmet told me to sleep, which was what I did.

I was happy. Indeed I was. It wasn’t a dream.

I smiled again. This time, a brighter one.  And went back to sleep.

                                                                                **************

The day before had been awful. Yeah. The journey home never felt longer. I waited for a bus to Gelugor, which apparently, never did appear. When it finally did, I was busy showing direction to some lady from Sungai Petani. Gosh I suck at giving direction. I can’t even give an accurate one on Ipoh, let alone Penang. She looked, however, desperate. I helped. Or did it?

But hey. If she gets lost all she has to do is to start all over again. Oh come on. This is an island. Not like you’ll find yourself in Thailand or something.

The ATM in Gelugor ran out of cash. There was only one thing that can kill my day and that would be it. With only RM1.30 in my purse, I rang for my dad from a phone booth. Being single made me have no intention whatsoever to reload my prepaid.  And the stupid college! Why can’t you have one goddamn ATM??

Dad sounded busy. I’m working, kitty, he said. My walid has never been this mean. I pouted. A couple of guys were looking at me.  Ok, I must have looked stupid then, talking to a phone booth. Whatever. For the first time I felt like I was stranded in a marooned island.

 I tried again. Another ATM. God knows how I feel like cursing as I write this. I felt relieved when the machine wrote “Please take your cash.”

Ah, the sights of a few sheets of RM10 notes never made me feel better.

Another hell of waiting. This time. To the terminal. Drag. I don’t have enough coins. So what, I asked myself. It’s about time to use my charm anyway. The Rapid bus driver pitied me. I tried to be friendly. Smile. Look sweet. Sound sweet. Normally I wouldn’t. In this kind of circumstances? Hell NO!

I arrived (finally)at the terminal just before the bus left. I was so lucky there were lots of vacant seats, though I needed only one. I got into the bus. Ah, beautiful. The air-cond was just perfect. Now I can get some sleep.

 There was this freaky dude behind me. Only him. Bald. Not the Lex-Luthor-or-Vin-Diesel-or-the-Hitman-guy bald, which I seriously love. But the middle age bald. And fat. He smiled at me. Eew. Not my type, I quickly concluded and hugged my lappy bag. Eyes closed.

Ipoh.

 I love Ipoh. The sight of my school as we passed by made me start reminiscing the ol’ time. I wish it were schoolday. Then I could drop by and say HI to the teachers. They always remember me.

Like, WHAT? WHERE THE HELL IS MY PURSE?

I searched and searched. In my lappy bag. Nope. My another bag. Nope. OMG.

The bus was moving. The next stop will be somewhere the other side of Ipoh, which is, to put it geographically, imagine my house in Perlis and the other stop as Johor. Like WTF? I have to stop here, I thought.

I grabbed my things and got off the bus. I was worried bout my purse, but I was positive it was in my bag. One of my bags. Which, much to my chagrin, wasn’t.

I wanted to cry.

I lost my Identity card,my ATM card. My lovely KMPP student card. My passport photos, in which I have looked so sweet. There were other stuffs as well, a Tesco choice membership card being one of it, but it all didn’t matter as much as the purse itself.

My walid has chosen it for me. I love it.

Home.

Ummi was helpful, and comforting, which surprised me.

I remember as a little girl when I lost all the money I got from Raya. RM20, in coins and RM1 notes, was a lot to a 7 year old. Ummi was so mad at me that the next day I had fever.

I still have my passport at least. Though it was to expire come December.
                                                                                **************          

28^th August 2359

One minute before the day ended. One minute, I shall rephrase, before the dreadful day ended.

Emmet.

He texted me.

It helped that someone was there and listened to me. Well, he didn’t literally listened. We were texting.

And Emmet kept saying, poor you, which made me feel like I’m in Bersamamu or something.

*Name has been changed for privacy and protection. Haha.