Study Week

ALL I KNOW IS I'M GOING TO DIE IF I FAIL THIS SEMESTER.

I NEED TO STUDY.

LIKE REALLY STUDY, BEFORE I FLUNK:

1. PHONOLOGY

2. ELT

3. LEARNER AND LEARNING ENVIRONMENT

4.CHILDREN LITERATURE

DAMN I WISH EVERY CLASS FEELS LIKE A FORM 3 SCIENCE CLASS.

YOU KNOW, THE TIME WHEN WE LEARNT THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM.

#perlukahcapslock?

Only God Can Judge Me Now.

"Only God can judge me now"

Tupac Shakur said it and died.

There was this book that I read called Washington Wives by Maureen Deen. I was in Form 2. It's not really the kind of thing that people read when they were 14, but I picked it up from the shelf at my Gran's. 

It's a good book anyway. Politics, love, sex, scandals. The rat race of life. 

There was this character that I really liked. Her name is Sinclaire. She comes from a poor background---a broken one really. She doesn't know who her father is, and apparently, neither does her mother Ruby. She was born a very very beautiful baby--the most beatiful one the head nurse ever seen. She grows up with in a diner her mother works at. She also grows up gorgeously and beautifully and later became close to the "rich and famous" society in America. 

The thing about Sinclaire is that she is never ashamed of who she is. She is never shy to admit that she is an illegitimate child, let alone feel embarrassed or i don''t know,  has low self esteem about it. When someone mentioned a word she doesn't understand she'd just ask. She isn't afraid if someone is judging her, or whatever. And though she is with the "rich and famous" she does not pretend. 

That's pretty cool.

Many of us pretend and hide and lie and many of us do that because we are so scared of people's judgement. We are so scared of what people may say, or even think.

And exactly why shouldn't we be? We judge people too. We talk about people. Even when what they do don't in a slightest bit have anything got to do with us. 

Let us all change for a bit, eh, for goodness sake? Stop talking about people, stop judging. Yeah, they make mistakes. But so do you, right? So screw them. It's their life. Go take care of your own business. 

And stop caring for what people think, or say. They'll talk and they'll think and they'll judge but all that don't make who you are. Even if it does it only make you stronger. 

Don't Give a Damn.

It's one of those days when I get really bored despite having tons of work to do. And it's also one of those day when I feel like talking to someone but I'd figured nobody could understand me so I resort to writing instead. 

For most of the time writing's better. It's like having someone to listen to you without offering any piece of cliched advice. Now peeps, seriously, to those whom I turned to every time I fall from grace, I highly appreciate your advice. It's just, I've heard it for over a zillion time and even a young and hopeless 20 year old like me can figure that out. 

The one advice that I need, seriously, is,

to not give a damn.

Study Hard vs Play Hard

hello readers of the boring blog. It case you didn't know, yes I am indeed still alive.

Only, life is getting more and more boring each day. 

I've given it a deep thought the other day, and concluded that I am wasting my youth.

Some people study hard and that's their lives and they got great results and that's what they get from their youth. Like Dalwin for example. Or Farah. Dalwin gets first class degree--whatever it means. My aunt has been challenging me to get it too--which I think is rather impossible following how I will flunk Phonology gracefully and gloriously this semester. Man I couldn't stand that. Each class I went with a blur mind, all clueless.

It's like dating a nerd. No, it's like dating Stephen Hawking or Einstein or somebody super genius  when you're super dumb like me and really couldn't get a word off it and you just know that you two don't and can't get along and are not meant to be with one another. 

Anyways, the point is, I do highly respect people who have this great determination to study hard in life. At least their youth don't get wasted like mine. 

Some people, on the other hand, play hard. They meet people, go places. They have fun, they enjoy themselves. Like Anis for example. I think she had a cool student life. She went places, conquered mountains, met friends....and still she graduated happily. See. At least her youth ain't wasted either. At least when she's like 70 and surrounded with grandchildren and great-grandchildren of hers and Remy of course, she'd have something to tell. She'd have a lot to tell, knowing Anis, hahaha. 

Me? I'll just tell them kids I went to class, ate,slept, did assignment, Facebook, and wrote sh** in a miserable blog.

p.s. Following Sam's advice, cewah, I decided to take up something. So, I'm learning to play tennis now with the help of a really nice guy. Kei and the music girls are also helping me with guitar, believe it or not! Did I tell you I also learnt Spanish back then? Time to brush it up you know. 

Gotta start now. I have like 3 more years till teaching. Love!

I'm so going to get it

Allright. It's official. Now I only write about Madam Temperature. Feel like she's the only thing in my mind. 


Well hell yes. She is on my mind all the time.


Thanks for all the works she gives and the comment she adds after the work. Or should I say, the Simon Cowell-ish criticism?


Maybe not Simon Cowell.


Think Gordon Ramsey from Hell's Kitchen minus the swearing. Yes, that.


I know I've been through this kind of people since primary up to secondary school and people like Madam Temperature are among those I am most thankful now for who I am (a miserable teacher trainee?), but that was before.


I was a child. Now I'm 20 years and 11 days. In 354 days I turn 21. I'll be allowed to vote in this country. And when I am granted the right to vote, do I listen to some babbling or some shitty political rubbish?


It's 10.40 now.


Less than one hour to Madam Temperature's lecture/babble. I am so doomed. 


Earphone. Check.
Rock songs/ Adele/Amy Winehouse. Check.


I'm so going to get it. 

madam temperature.

Gua kena bebel ngan madam temperature tadi. hangin satu badan beliau menatap wajah gua tadi. macam nak dicekik-cekiknya gua. mulutnya pula secara tidak langsung pot pet pot pet ngo ngo ngo berleter ala-ala david letterman kepada gua. madam temperature ni cukup tak sopistikated orangnya kalau bab-bab mencaci maki orang ni. 

tapi gua buat relax dan membuat muka no sweat sahaja sambil dalam kepala otak gua berkumandang lagu Nothing Else Matters dari Metallica. sesekali gua mengutarakan sedikit tak banyak senyuman yang manis dan angguk-angguk kepada beliau tanda tidak mahu melawan. gua bukan apa, nak mengekalkan rekod 9 tahun tidak melawan gua.

gua dah lali dengan bebelan ni...kamon la madam temperature, kalau gua baru darjah 3, boleh la anda bebel pada gua mengikut sesedap rasa anda. Mungkin ada sikit efek. Mungkin gua akan cair dengan bebelan anda dan terasa hati. Mungkin jugak gua akan berubah dan tidak akan mengulangi kesalahan tersebut kerana takut mendengar bebelan dan leteran anda. Kalau anda tak membebel, anda menyanyi boleh jugak. Namun lagu tu harus la yang sesuai yang bersesuaian dengan jiwa raga gua.

tapi umur gua dah 20 tahun 5 hari. gua dah tak makan bebelan seme dah. kalau gua di tempat anda, lama dah gua cakap,

"Lu pikirlah sendiri" 

So I'm 20.

What's that supposed to mean? Big deal. I feel old. 


I woke up early today. Slept at 4 and woke up at 7, not wanting to waste the day I start the second decade of my life. I precisely remember the last decade, when I turned 10. I read somewhere that in Islam, children who died before the age of 10 would go to heaven. I wished I die then. Silly me.


Anyways, this is the second birthday away from home #tears. I miss my mom. She's the only reason why I am still here. Without her there wouldn't be a 20 year old me. There wouldn't be a one year old me at all.


Damn I feel old. But still I miss Ummi. Love.