knowing Nurul Syuhada Abdullah-Attarmizi, I do stupid things all the time. Especially at times like this. Back in Form 1, or was it Form 2? or Form 3? I think all along, I cut myself a lot. I took Ummi's blade and cut myself in the loo. I even kept one small blade in my purse, and in case things go wrong, I rushed to the nearest WC and start hurting myself. The pain makes me feel alive.
I dont do that anymore. But I have the urge.
I'm depressed. Sad. My eyes are swollen. I'm still sobbing. I cried when I was bathing. Ahh ignore the previous post. I was high on drug. Hey did you fall for that? I'm so broke I couldnt afford dope dearie. And theres no one drug in the world that could kill this pain.
I dragged myself out of bed this morning. Yesterday night was hot and I slept on the floor, on the carpet, and start coughing like crazy. and flu. and Ummi came knocking on my bed telling me not to sleep there cuz it will kill me softly. Very funny.
and today I went out with Ummi, and my brothers Adam and Aliff. I dont know why, but I couldnt spend another minutes indoor. I feel depressed. Like the walls are making me crazy. I need out. I need air, fresh air.
Went to Parade. I wanted to play bowling, but Aliff didnt, and left with his friends. Ummi and I went crazy at Riomoda and bought lots of beautiful fabric. and some new shirts. and this. and that.
Adam, my four-year-old brother, asked me to buy him a bowling court. He went like,
"when you start working and have a lot of money, can you buy me a bowling court?"
my jaw practically dropped. what, am I marrying some filthy rich Datuk or Prince?
I treated them Kenny Rogers, and now I am really really poor. But nevermind, its comfort food they say. Makes you feel better. Maybe.
Maybe one shit that I did was that I overspent. But hey. At least I realised that I overspent. That makes me one smart consumer, no?
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