somethin i do on the side : a compilation

all my poems

the first one

To my darling


I am the girl who fell in love with you
I wonder do you feel the same way too
I hear your voice lingers around my head all the time
I see your face everywhere; every time
I want you to be here by my side; always
I am the girl who fell in love with you

I pretend that I do not know you
I feel like an idiot; this unrequited love
I touch the tears that flow down my cheeks
I worry if you don’t love me as much as I love you
I cry my heart out when I’m missing you
I am the girl who fell in love with you

I understand that we can’t be together now
So far apart, the blue sea and the green paddy field
I say to myself, “Someday, nothing will keep us apart”
You and I are meant to be
I dream of a beautiful day by the beach together, us frolicking, just you and me
I try to make our dream come true
I hope that you’ll be the one, thou I can only hope; and pray
I pray that you’ll be mine, and our eternal love
I am the girl who fell in love with you

schu

(on a sad and depressing day in 2Tesl2 classroom, where I was hungry and broke and tried to think of something beautiful…hahahahahaha)


the second one

if we were to end this

if i were to end this
i will wonder
what are u how's ur life
(and mine)
going to be like
cuz all along
i've always thought that
U'RE goin to be part of mine
and me yours

if u were going to end this
i'd cry u a river
losing one half of you
is always painful

i was just a half
n then u came
and make me into ONE
and how could i
lose that one half of me
and go back to bein incomplete again
when i've had PeRFection??

if we were to end this
it goin to be difficult

i will wonder what happen
to the rest of your life
and i will never forget u
i will always remember how u look like
and i will cry my heart out
when i pass by the place we used to date

i will laugh and cry
at al those good times
i will regret leavin u
and
i will tell
my daughter stories about u
when she told me bout hers
her first love
cuz u're mine

if we were to end this
no
i wont
and please
you dont

the 3rd :p

tonight i wanna write the Sweetest Poem

so down
so dissapointed?
well
i had
and havin it now

why,
tonight i wanna write the sweetest poem
tonught i must write the sweetest poem

you
it was all for you
i do it for you
i wrote it for you
and yet
you don't understand it
you won't reciprocate it

tonight
i wanna write the sweetest poem
for you
you
whom
i love
whom i'll never
live
without

you
who made me smile
even when the
Sun refuses to shine
when the
Stars don't twinkle
or when
the moon
won't light up
my gloomy night

when i can't see the rainbow

u made me smile

u
who made me smile all day
and made me giggle at the thought
of bein with u
and holdin ye hand

u
whose picture i gaze at
all day long
whose voice lingers round my head
all night long

who never fails to appear in my dream

tonight
i wanna write the sweetest poem
i must write the sweetest poem
to you
whom i love..~~

i am in the most CRI.TIC.AL stage

mdm rock, my Language Development lecturer (my fave in the whole planet), always wanted us to be so called critical in our thinking..blah blah blah..metacognitive blah blah blah which i can't really digest..but good news for Mdm Rock, cuz if CRItICAL'S what she wants, thats precisely what I am now, today, this moment, CRITICAL...

*beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
am i dead yet?
it sounds like...
*beep beep beep beep*
oh, okay, i'm okay now..

life support machine saves my life. okay, maybe not literally.

hidup lagi rupanya. ntah la. there's gotta be more to life than this, and i guess that’s my life support machine..somethin else in life other than havin him near

he's gone

thats all can i say

he's gone, but not for good i pray

yesterday he asked if we really cud work it out

why, he's gone..

i went out..konon2nya to look for peace..lama dah x keluar and the last time was..with him..

aih.

let's look at the list of people i miss
1. Ummi. but i went home last weekend. and i can't afford anotha trip home

2. Him. now i wanna go gugugaga. Ok, ok, He's like, on the other side of M'sia
(sapa ntah..xdak plak gambaq dia..ahahahahha)
3. My bestie Christina Lim. In Australia. Okay.
4. My bestie during MATric...Fairuzzzzz...

so suddenly when i was missin number 1-3 like crazy i was like, EUREKA!after considering some factors like..the distance and the cost and plus Fairuz is still in KB, i said, lets go check Fairuzzzzz out!! yippie yippie yippie..gumbira bukan main..besides, lama dah x p KB and matrik..oh my matrik..the place I first fell...in love..muahh muahhhahahahah

goin to matric.
that, u and I, wud later learnt, as a mistake.


the journey to Kepala Batas mmg jauh giler..bile naik bus rapid larh~plus, from penang plak tu..mmg jauh..


from a bus to jetty and then naik ferry kuar dr island ni n then naik plak rapid p Kailan..perggh memang trsgt jauh..brmcm2 tempat i lalu..akhirnya after approximately an hour..sampai gak at Kailan. Dumbo me..blajaq kat KMPP pnya lama..kailan pun xtaw katne..well..that time i was single..xde tman nak merayap..ahaha

ha...ni la dia tmpt yg aku p..walaupun tem aku kat situ ak x perasan pon ada benda ni..ada ke?

cuak giler..felt lost, thank gudness the driver baik giler..bagi tau which bus to take to matric..heee~~

when i arrived in matric, my heart felt...heavy. its like i’m seein it for the first time.


 I went in and saw the place I first met him. The place we first met. The place I first laid my eyes on him...(read my previous post)

i felt sth wich is entirely unspeakable and undescribable of.

I felt like cryin.

I can almost picture him there. In a dark blue shirt i can vividly remember. Thats (one of) his favourite colour.

So i felt bad. Worse. And got worsen when i thought i smell somethin. Him. Boy, have i gone out of my mind. But it really smelt of him. I know. The smell lingered and then kissed me.
the atmosphere. I felt him in the atmosphere. I felt that he was there. I turned around and searched for him, wishin that he’s really there but to no avail, he wasn’t.
He’s in PAHANG, schu. P-A-H-A-N-G. I told myself over and over again.

Thank goodness Fairuzzz took me out. I cudnt stay long. I might faint. I might break down and cry.
Worse still,
i might scream in hysteric and get caught by the security and banned from menjejakkan kaki (set foot) there again. Boy. That wud have been awful. Really awful.

I chose to go back straight home selepas itu. Malas nak hang lama2, nnt brtambah parah.

Otw balik: WORSE. Rasa cam nak nangis dalam bus. Missin him like crazy. Wanting him in Penang again.

Boy, I am in the most critical stage.

Be strong, Schuger Tough Candy. Kau kan Kualiti, Mesra dan Progresif (x pasai2)

hehehe :p

tOmorrow, toMorroW and Too SORROW!!

Without me realizing it, and aku positive orang len pun tidak, it has been a year since the day aku first kenal dia. Setahun yang lepas, no one would even expect or predict we’d go this far. The idea of me, being with him, would never ever cross anyone’s mind. Not mine, at least. Ntahlah, tapi dalam masa yang setahun ni macam2 yang da aku harungi…since the day I know him.

23^rd June 2009

He was once, to me, a very arrogant guy. Eleh, orang tanya soklan sket da cm bosan je nak layan orang. Nyampah! Sombong! Tem tu nyesal gak p tetiba tanye soklan kat dia, padahal,

beberapa minit sebelum itu…

aku lah insan yang paling berani mati, (kononnya aku nih keturunan Dol Said pahlawan Naning) klu stakat nak tanye soklan besa2 cam tu kat orang..alah..no sweat baby..bukannya aku nak mintak number tepon kan..so nak cuak pa..p jelah..

Rumet2 ku berada tak jauh dari aku, seolah2 memberikan moral support pada aku. Ajak teman xmao. Banyaklah ampa punya moral support. Xpa2. Aku paham, ampa ni budak baik x besa cakap dgn lelaki…aku? Ingat ak besa sangat ka nak cakap dengan laki…mak aihh…aku pun pemalu gak..tapi wey..kita ni nak menuntut ilmu..pa nak malu..haha sbenaqnya ak dak la malu2 kambing..sampai malu tak bertempat…lol..

Ditemani oleh sorang sahabat yang baru brapa minit ku knai..aku pon membuat muka selambanya p la btanye kpd that arrogant guy larh..that guy mempunyai wajah yang agak brutal yakni garang tapi disertai dengan kemanisan2 gitu..aku pon x dpt nk interpret time tu dia ni lagu mna..besides..aku bukan nak interpret sesapa kan..just nak tnya soklan ja…soklan yang berbunyi…

“emmm, do we have to write our name somewhere?” dengan penuh kebajetan yang aku dan sahabat ku telah berspeaking…bukan nak menunjuk kat that guy yang muka cam ustaz garang tu..just..ntah la..it came out naturally..kami tem tu wat la muka friendly sket, konon2 nak berbudi bahasa…skali kan…jawapan dia..kontot saja…”Tomorrow….”

Eh! Dia pikir dia William Shakespeare apa..nak wat poem life brief candle plak kaci jawapan TOMORROW ja….memang teramat brief la jawapan tersebut, sambil dihiasi dgn wajah garang..dahi berkerut, muka cam nak telan orang..suara pun monotonous ja…mak aihh…baik xyah tanya tadi…baik aku tnya kat the other guy yang bukan men friendly terhadap aku…da macam friendly match lagik..mesra alam….

dgn hati yang tak puas hati..ak pergi meninggalkan tempat kejadian..