To someone.

Hey.

I seriously didn't want to do this. Not to say this here. Not via the Internet, letting my not-so-random thoughts read by everyone. If there were readers anyway. 

For some reason, it was always easier to just talk to you. It was easier to just tell you to your face as we sat alone in your car, driving around endlessly in the middle of the night. It was easier then, a hell lot easier, to just tell you what I think, what I want, to just retaliate and argue with things you say, to comfort you with your effed up problems, to tell you mine even in the quiet bookstore or in a fast food restaurant while watching American football. 

It was easiest to just laugh with you, holding your long slender fingers.

For you have turned my life around, my boring, dull, forever alone life.  I have laughed the most when I am around you. To me, you are not just any other person, not just any other guy. You filled me with excitement,  pleasure, laughter, adrenaline rush, things I have been missing.We kept each other company. You kept me company, something which I desperately need. Everyone wants to be happy and happiness come in all forms. To me, it was simply a nice human company, which you fulfilled. To you, I was your quantum of solace, a little peace, serenity, and comfort, something I am truly proud of.

We satisfied each other with what we needed, but soon it began to look like we were there just because we needed each other. It seemed like we were just filling into each others' blanks.

The depressing part is when I found out that as we spent more time with each other, I realised you no longer are what I need. That's not what keeping you by my side. I don't need you or your company to survive. I can live without all that. 

I just don't want to.

I don't want to lose you. I know this is not part of the deal. I know this is not what we agreed to. Things will come to an end one day. Soon enough all this will be over and I'll live feeling like I just wake up from one beautiful dream. 

I've lost once, I think I could lose again. I just don't want it to end this way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for all the things I said to you.

Every song ends. Is that a reason not to enjoy the music?