Just stop talking about the stuffs that hurt people already.

I'm reading a novel about teenage angst, rebellion and confusion. It's an awesome book and if you were my age I'd recommend that, one of the books I'd read before I die. 


They say the guy who killed John Lennon had with him that book, with a note scribbled inside, 

"This is my statement,  From Holden Caufield."

It's the book I mentioned I was reading (still am), Catcher in The Rye. 


But heck I read it because I've been wanting to read that book since I was 13, and because I love reading, and I pray to Allah if it ever make me mad or anything I don't go around shooting anyone. 


I turn to God these days. Should've done that long ago. Sometimes it's the only way, but most definitely its the best way. 


I achieve a more peaceful state of mind lately. Remember how early this semester I was all gloomy and down, zombie-like? I didn't even scribble much about it here due to major depression. I remember going home and not talking to anyone for 2 days. I didn't even talk to Ummi or Adam. It was painful. I skipped meals because I had no appetite at all---In 5 days I took rice only twice---It was worrying everyone. 

But I was hurt. Really hurt. Painfully hurt. 

If it were physical pain, the doctors would've tell my family and friends to start preparing for the worst. 


It hurt so much I didn't know how to express it, I couldn't even cry about it. I had that once, when a friend back stabbed me, I was so shocked I couldn't even have a go at her. I just didn't do anything. It wasn't that I was unaffected. I am a very sensitive person, thou I don't look like it, but I am sensitive, very.

To have someone making fun of you, making fun of your feelings, making you as some sort of teasing or laughing stock, it is seriously not fun at all. It's seriously painful.

You'd think it was only a joke, but then think again of the feelings of the subject of the joke should he or she hears it.  Put yourself in their shoes, do you get humiliated? I do. A lot.


I was on my home, happily, to see my family when I found out about what people been saying about me behind me. Trust me, that time it felt like someone has just hit you hard in the chest.


So please stop talking about it already. It affects me, it hurts me, even just writing it here.