Wordless Wednesday yang sebenar.

Agaknya sakit apa kalau dah ubat banyak sampai macam ni? huhu. Speechless kejap bila tengok senarai prescription ubat dari doctor tadi. Hmm. Memamg wordless wednesday sangat lah hari ini. Dengan sakit tekaknya. Ubat banyak-banyak tapi air untuk gargle sakit tekak tak dikasi. Eish. 

Ok let's keep it wordless. I need my bedrest too. And by bedrest I mean...

drafting my Songs and Poetry lesson plan in bed....huhu

bye :)

Where You End and He Begins.

So he asked me out.

I don't feel like starting it all over again. I'm tired. Tired of hoping, of dreaming, of getting high on dreams of happiness that never last. 

I'm scared of hurting again. I'm scared of the thoughts of being alone, lonely and ignored. again. 

I don't want to start something that I pretty much know the ending. It won't last. I didn't see that coming when I started things with you. In fact, I mentioned that "we" were so not happening. But it happened, and it ended painfully, and I don't want to hurt again. 

Getting close, talking, communicating, dating, movies, dinners, holding hands, falling in love, dreams of happiness and the future, believing in "they live happily forever ever after fairy tale ending" and bam! Alone again.

But I want to move on. If this is the only way of getting over you.

So I told him yes.

Now what shall I wear on a first date? *excited*

Mr. Past Tense.

He's much nicer. And better looking. But he's not him. 
He's gone, Reality check.

"So, do you like....blah blah.." 

She could barely hear what he was saying. In fact, she couldn't see him either. All that she saw was, like a film rolled in front of her, memories of herself and another guy, sitting on a table right in front to the one she was that day. 

It felt so surreal, like a dream, she almost felt delusional. She saw them. God she must be hallucinating, but she saw herself and him there, and they were such happy couple, sharing fries and coffees. It could be breakfast, a very early one, or supper, an ultra late one. With them you'll never know, she and him get hungry almost all the time. 

"Why aren't you eating?" the guy next to him asked. Mr. Present Tense. She stared at him, his tan skin, his bespectacled round eyes, his sweet smile and the little gap between his front teeth. It was cute because he didn't rush to fix it. 

Better looking.

Mr. Present Tense 1, Mr. Past Tense nil. 

And yet, She missed that pale face more. That prominent jaw. That boisterous, sometimes obnoxious grin. That eyebrows frowning, as if thinking hard. That eyes that widen as he tells her a story, something she already knows, yet she listens with attention. 

Those were the days.

Mr. Past Tense 1, Mr Present Tense--friendzoned--1.

"I don't eat spicy food." she said to Mr. Present Tense. It was only half the truth. She eats spicy food, being a Southern girl. She just don't feel like eating spicy food now, she thought. 

Mr. Past Tense doesn't like spicy food. He told her over dinner one day. Boy did they eat a lot, lunch, brunch, tea, dinner,supper and just everything in between.

She could still remember the first time she had dinner with him. It was somewhere near their place, with a couple of friends trying hook them up (subtle), she acted least interested (pretty subtle), wearing a very ladylike blouse and looking so demure, bottom line: not being herself. He dominated the conversation, but she found him boring. She even almost swore never to go out with him again. 

So much for first impression. 

And last night, as she had dinner with Mr. Present Tense at the same place she had with him, she reminisced the past, and her heart ached thinking how back then, she never thought things will end this way, and she would have to mention him, or things that she never thought they would be doing---in a past tense.