Use Somebody

times get hard, i guess i worry a lot. yes peeps, i do. altho i was really laid back in exams and assignments ans stuffs; i took it easy, but really, i am a pessimist.


Hakimi


I miss him like crazy. I dont know why, I spent the night gazing at the ceiling. damn it. today i took care of him. its the first time in a long time we spent hours together; just us. he was like so manja, my little brother. yes i know he's gonna kill me when he reads this.


he made me spoonfeed him. ok now say ahhh
he made me scratch his fingers. lol fingers.
he made me get dressed. dude i mean buttonin his ugly pukey green hospital shirt. ah.


no. he didn't make me.i do it because i wanted to. not because i have to. i wanted to do it because i love him. he's my brother.


and it's been a long time since i ever feel so close. we share the same womb.


and also. i am worried. devastated. sad. you know. i spent the day worryin at the edge of the bed, Hakimi's bed as doctors come and go. i wanted to call someone, talk to that God-knows-who, and spill all the thoughts inside me and hearing them sayin oh babe dont worry all is well.


and today, Dad and Mom spent the night at the hospital, Dad moody and Mom shaking, Adam at home brooding, Aina my little cousin who's staying with us crying--homesick. things just get more and more uncontrollable.


and for that, thanks to lots lots lots of people who were there for me, making me less worried, puttin the smile again, it helps a lot, more than you ever know.


special thanks to Dr Zul for all the information. sucha great friend


i effing appreciate it. really. at times like these you really could use somebody, no?


here's the song for you guys. got this from Nieya. She dedicated one for me, I decicated one for EVERYBODY! haha keji orang buat hang pun nak jugak kan schu.


use somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

Painted faces fill the places I can't reach

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep

Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat

I hope it's gonna make you notice

I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me

Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now

I'm ready now, I'm ready now

I'm ready now, I'm ready now

I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

psst: damn i miss him, all along he is here when i need him, listenin to my sorrow, my problems, listening to my cry and tears. now he's gone with the wind annd theres nothing i could do to bring him back to my life. where are you when i most needin u now swetheart?

Umar Hakimi

Umar Hakimi--his fave colour is red



Nice name, I would say. He’s my brother, 17 this year.

sekadar hiasan

In terms of look he is quite the antithesis. I mean, he is fairer and have more of the Arabic featured, so my aunt used to say. He’s also very thin, weighing only 39kg isn’t normal. He’s not very tall, but still taller than me. During Aidil Adha he was made to shave off his ridiculously long hair which he hid underneath a songkok during schooldays, after a Mohawk, and now he is bald, which made him look thinner, too.

I just realised we have the same fat and short fingers, no matter how long and slender our limbs are. But my limbs aren’t, so its normal. But for Hakimi, I guess it’s on the genes.






Hakimi is supposed to be sitting for his SPM this year, now, to be precise. But he was bitten by these goddamn mosquitoes called Aedes, while away at school in some quiet town from Ipoh. And so he is being hospitalised at the GH. and he is also too weak for SPM.

x dapek la ekau result camni

It saddens me a lot to see him sick. Seriously. Yesterday I made the first visit to the hospital. He looked so frail, even frailer than before. All along he is my annoying brother. The one who reads and condemns my blog, the one who commented on how terrible my photos in Facebook are. The one, when we were younger, I would quarrel with, hair pulling, smack down WWE version, punching, teasing, crying, that one! I was such a boyish girl then teehee and he cried a lot hahaha.






We were always close, maybe because we were the first two children. And we both dislike our third brother Aliff. It wasn’t anything, just that we used to think Ummi loved Aliff more than us and well, he’s really irritating. If you grow up with Anak-anak Sidek’s comic, Aliff would be equivalent to Razif—the one Mom and Dad prefer and the one who tells tales.






When I saw Hakimi sick, snuggling in bed, weak, yesterday the good old memories all came flying back to me. We used to go to school together. Unlike me none of my brothers attend Chinese school. Hakimi then went to St Michael Institution, a school which is situated just next to mine. Time was hard and we took the city bus. It was fun. I remember waiting for the bus with him in front of Fair Park Policlinic every morning. There was once we found coins left on the seat. Young as we were we took it and spent the coins on soya beans in SMI’s canteen while waiting for the bus home.






Then when I was in standard 4 and Hakimi 2, time got harder, so hard that Ummi and Walid sent us to live with our Uwan in Negeri Sembilan. We cried, but we did not rebel. It was tough; Uwan’s house a really creepy place to us then. Now it belongs to me, yeah, me. The two of us would always stay together. We went to a kampong school where there were only 64 students, and during recess we all ate together. The Imam was our grand uncle. The canteen lady was our grand aunt. Everyone knows us, At-tarmizi. I remember that time I found out that Hakimi likes eating onions. Ewww. Haha. That time we hardly had other friends because we were these stuck-up KL-ites who didn’t speak Negeri Sembilan.






Hakimi left home when he was 13 to attend a boarding school. We hardly see each other since then. A few years later I left home to do my matriculation and teacher training programme. I must say over these few years we don’t really get close and hence don’t really get along. We don’t talk much, too, except for music. Hakimi couldn’t be more impressed with the fact that his sister listens to the likes of ACAB, Butterfingers, Nirvana and other loud-enough-to-wake-the-whole-neighbourhood-up kind of music. And of course we talk about how vain Aliff is. We still hate him. Oh this is so mean already hehe






I am dead bored, sitting here in this hospital. Hakimi is asleep, out of sleepiness or boredom, I am not sure. I brought a book along with me, A Mulya Malladi’s Mango Seasons. I read them last year but am re-reading it because I love that book. But I finished it already. I brought along my laptop as well, but of course due to the radiation and all there’s no Internet access here.






The doctors just now surrounded the bed. A more senior doctor said that this don’t look like dengue to her. Then this thin doctor told me to force Hakimi to drink more water, her eyes popping out in a way that made me freak out. The guy doctor named Colin, also an Indian, looks nice. But he’s short. And there’s another doctor whom I swear to God looks like Mr Retnakumar my LDs lecturer.






His blood pressure were acceptable, from 120/80 (the normal one) to 102/69. Using what’s left of my Bio knowledge I deem that as not worrying. But his platelets is really scaring me! From 100 something in the first day, now it shoots down to 35. Zul said it’s normal for a dengue patient; the pleasant looking nurse said the same thing too. There are cases when the platelets go down to 7 and 8. And when it goes below that, the patient will be sent to the Intensive Care Unit. That would be critical.






Pray for him, will ya? And tell me all is well. Because I’m scared. I hate hospitals. I could’ve stayed in matriculation, study like friggin hard, get a 4.0 pointer and get into medical school. That’s what my Walid would like. But then again I couldn’t stand hospitals. I would cry when I look at the other patients, them looking deep into my eyes with a sad look. No way.






Now. I shall cut out the craps. I saw something, you know? Something gross. Talking about being in a ward where most of the patients are male and they wear GOWNS.






I really wish I am the one in bed. I am the one sick.






And Hakimi. Get well soon. Gonna treat the whole family pizza when you are back. Oh I miss someone to annoy. Someone to argue. I miss you.

this is so random, yet so important

timbaland feat keri hilson and nicole sherzinger--Scream.
here
erotic. i'm sorry. but its one of my guilty pleasure so you might as well live with it. and heck it got absolutely nothin to do with the post teehee


just. you know. its called Inner Scream now. But this aint inner. so. haha.

well i kind of activated my Facebook again. yes, yell at me. I AM LAME. But who cares? I need to KIT with these peeps. awwwww am i lame or what

psst: not accordin to any particular order or sth

***********************

agnes

classmate at I4P. geng sama-sama x tido sebab too much coffee. Tenom. sembang sampai pagi. Geng get-over-your-ex-bf

lam

geng menconteng arang di wall masing2 serta bloggin. geng went thru so called withdrawal syndrome

daie

counselor aku. pendengar paling setia and paling kuat gelak. talk to me a lot. dok suruh update skill memasak, skill kemas umah blah blah

aqilah

my soul sister. oh i miss her. mempunyai nasib yang sama dalam perchintaan. cewah macam hampeh je ayat.

fikri hassan

pilot to be. annoying. born on the same day with me so we have many in common, such as love to change DP in fb. teehee ka

ucop

another listening ear. always ada untuk aku. facebook boy. ahaha.

fairuz

ex praktikumate kmpp. geng beli tudung sama-sama dekat Kailan. best kot. teehee. geng sangat minat kimia! yeah.

mas hafizra

ex praktikumate. geng bitchin. rapat dekat matrik sebab both tak pandai maths and selalu menjadi target Puan X (bukan nama sebenar). sekarang both x buat maths and live happily eva afta.

natrah hassan

ex roomie kat matrik. tugas khas ajaq aku pakai selendang yuna. teehee. geng melalut sama-sama.

alin zulkifli

ex roommie kat matrik jugak. tugas khas gerak aku bangun pagi. kelas pukul 8. 530 da bangun. pebende kita buat awal2? born the day after mine. tapi kami sangat kontra. nak buat camne?

munawarrah

geng ipoh! yeah. ex roomie jugak. teehee muka cam rita rudaini oh.

farah ahmad

classmate at I4P. geng dok buat aku kalut time exam and assignment. laid back sangat xbleh gak kan? geng mencekik! Subway babe?

nisrin @ rina zaby

roomie at I4P. i love her. tak leh nak kata apa dah. geng make up and fashion. yeah baby

zul emi

brader yg jual burger kat DPongsu teehee. xlah. bakal doktor ni weyh. memang cool. penyakit2 sumer leh tanya dia. aku yg ada acid reflux, migraine, asthma, apa lagi, memang efficient ada geng camni

(tolong carikan doktor sorang, my ummi wants one teehee)

adham

i dunno. geng berfesbuk perhaps?  sangat baik hati and well. like me for who am i. always nice.

nafis

geng lagu rock! and man we love butterfingers. and man utd. and rock music.

nieya bailey

really nice. a doll. love the German side of her. and she's effin cute and sweet. ahh.

ash here

geng breakfast sama-sama makan nasi lemak khaleel pagi2. geng fly malam malam eventho x pernah fly pun hehe

auni najwa

coursemate. and man sapa nak baca bloggi aku kalau dia xdak? teehee

samuel isaiah

geng annoy each other teehee. x suka sangat kaler PINK kan. amek kau! ahahahahahhahaha

erfairiziee aka cikgu baharom

geng nama klasik in facebook and geng cakap ala-ala gangster. wa lu wa lu. kalau mengomen boleh sampai ratus2. suka usha makcik kat bukit dumbar.

alifah, azanee, aisha

cikgu ngaja kelaka sarawak

kak liyana saidi

geng astronomi USM. Loves her! aha kalau nak tau pasai gossip2 bintang-bintang di alam semesta cari makcik ni teehee

farah humaira

geng dok umah dekat-dekat which is dekat ipoh. soul sista. love her. went thru thick and thin with me. saw me rise and fall. ily!

syazliana and syamim maestro amir

tukang spam Facebook aku dengan notification like. tapi xpe i like. teeehee

IKHRAM

geng bloggin and waghih nogori sombilan teehee

Ayda

geng melalut dalam kelas and geng pakai selendang teehee, jugak gang study sama2 cewahhh..geng cakap noghori 9 teehee

there are MORE. But I love u all. teehee

lelove